This is how you build a community

Hello,

Oof. A heavy, scary, rage-inducing, sad week. There’s no point pretending otherwise. There is no ‘but’ to soften the blow; we just sort of have to sit with it for a while.

Maybe there is an ‘and’ though. I think that ‘and’ is community building.

I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what that means. My social media feeds are full of posts about getting organised, protesting, campaigning. I’m all for that. God knows we need it. But I think that can be really off-putting to people who are new to the idea, or are perhaps a little shy, or just don’t have a lot of time or money or energy to donate to a cause. I think it makes people feel like they have to be an expert or spend their Saturdays marching down Whitehall or be happy to be a public face with all the shenanigans that brings. I think, however unintentionally, we gatekeep what we actually mean.

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I’m guilty of this. I write a lot about community building and implore people to partake in it, but maybe I don’t show how accessible (in all senses of the word) it can be. So I thought that this week, while we all feel grim, I’d set out some really easy, cheap, accessible ways to build a community, none of which involve marching or shouting.

• Be the sort of person who turns up with soup for a sick friend (or if, like me, you can’t do this, send a takeaway)

• Have the sort of house people can turn up at in their pyjamas

• Check in with someone a month, three months, six months, infinite number of months after they go through a tough time

• Swap skills/bowls of sugar/kind words with strangers by joining a neighbourhood or community Whatsapp group and actually replying to requests for help

• Make your own requests for help

• Pick an event where people who aren’t already friends actually talk to each other - a book club, a craft thing, a dance class - and go to it every time it’s on. If you can’t find one that works for you, start one

• Be someone who calls out bad behaviour and be prepared to be called out too. Approach both of these with kindness

• Offer to go with someone to the doctor’s/lawyer’s/council/benefits appointment they’re dreading

• Take cake

• Write a letter to your MP even when an issue doesn’t affect you

• Share articles/books/posts from people within your community who are more marginalised

• Donate your time

• Cook a big meal and invite friends to bring a friend

• Shop local/independent

• Just say hello - to the person you always see at the coffee shop, to the creator whose posts you always enjoy, to the neighbour who smiles at you but doesn’t say anything

The key is showing up. None of these examples, I think, are particularly taxing or scary. It’s just that it’s easier not to do them. Community building is joyful but it is also hard, continuous work; you have to toil the soil and pull up the weeds and keep the water flowing for the plants to grow. But take it from me, a not exactly optimistic gal who’s surrounded by community: when you look outside and see the flowers, things seem so much better.

Comment below with your favourite community building tips.

And remember, you’ve always got a community here.

Speak soon,
Lucy

P.S. If you are disabled/neurodivergent and queer and looking for community, don’t forget to check out Every Body Queer and come to our first meet-up!