Having fun
Hello,
Do you ever meet someone and just think “yep, you are one of my people”?
It happened to me a few weeks ago when I zoomed my friend Andrew to record an episode of their brilliant podcast, Disability After Dark.
I say friend because, even though Andrew and I had never spoken before and are unlikely to ever meet in person (he lives in Canada), we’ve been wholeheartedly agreeing with and supporting each other across the internet for years. And as soon as we logged on, it was clear that we were kindred spirits; both deep thinkers when it comes to disability, both probably a bit too feisty for our own good. Count yourselves lucky that there’s an ocean between us.
In classic Lucy and Andrew fashion, we talked about all the disability stuff no one wants to talk about. We talked about care and what it means to be completely reliant on other people. We talked about the daily struggle to like our bodies. We talked about dating and rejection and, yes, sex. We talked about parenting. We talked about queerness (Andrew declared me “one of us” which I very much enjoyed). We talked about the loneliness that sits in our chests and the things that make it better but never quite make it go away. And even though it was a serious conversation, at turns angry and sad, we laughed. We laughed a lot. I came off the call having had a hell of a lot of fun.
“How can that be?” you might reasonably ask. How can be such a serious conversation be… fun? All I can really say is that if you had spent your life searching for people who know what the hell you’re talking about, you would understand. It sort of makes me giddy. You can hear it in my voice on the podcast; I sound relaxed, happy, confident, comfortable. I’m saying what I want to say, I’m not in self-protection mode, I trust that I will be understood. My sense of humour comes out. The sass levels are frankly off the charts. I sound like myself. That is in itself is really fun to experience.
I’ve had a similar experience when chatting to another disabled pal, Ali from Seated Perspectives, for a project we’ve been working on together (more on this very soon!). We work hard on our zoom calls, but they’re so enjoyable. There’s a shared perspective, a common goal, an ease to conversation that means we (or at least I) can’t help but have a good time. One of the things Ali and I have been discussing for the project is the dichotomy that can exist for disability advocates like us between representing disability to nondisabled people and creating spaces for disabled people ourselves to just exist with each other. For a long time my job only really involved the former, but I am increasingly motivated by the latter. It is, frankly, a better vibe.
I used to think of disability spaces as important because they fostered activism and advocacy. And of course I still think that empowering people to speak up for themselves is one of the most vital aspects of community. But talking to Andrew for their podcast, working with Ali, having my friends Alex and Paul around for dinner, going to meet my mate Knox for a drink, or attending and putting on community events, it occurs to me that these spaces have another, equally important role: they allow us to relax, to laugh, to be ourselves, and to have fun.
We need that. I need that. I hope to have more to share about my community building work very soon.
Until then,
Lucy