A list of things that make me feel proud
Hello,
It’s June and it’s Pride, and I have been lucky enough to spend some time this week in rainbow-bedecked spaces with people I love. This is something I will never take for granted, and yet it’s easy sometimes to get caught up in all the things I wish were different, in my own life and in the world. It’s also easy, I think, to read all the (true! important!) things about Pride being a protest, not a party, and forget that it is also something deeply personal; a precious, quiet thing that is not about rainbows or rights but about finally being who you are. I think it’s important to talk about that sort of Pride, too, especially because so many people never get to experience it.
So, inspired by Em’s piece on the subject, I thought I’d use this quiet Friday in June to share a list of things that make me feel proud in that specific way. I hope that, if you are queer, you have a similar list to hold onto when things feel tough.
Belting along to Chappell Roan (obviously) in a room full of lesbians (obviously) and not feeling self conscious in the slightest (this is the important bit)
Using the pronoun ‘she’ about someone I fancy when my friends and I gossip about dating, without skipping a beat first
Finally understanding the concept of celebrity crushes
Discussing those celebrity crushes with my mates and feeling simultaneously 31 and 15
When I come back from the barbers and feel bloody great (I never had this experience after the hairdressers)
Related: the visible confusion of all the men who see me at said barbers
How good I look/feel in a suit, and that other people see it too
When a person wearing DMs and a rainbow pin clocks that I am wearing DMs and a rainbow pin, and we silently nod at each other in knowing recognition
The handful of messages I’ve had from disabled LGBTQ+ people saying that the existence of Every Body Queer, the group I co-founded, or simply my visibility as a disabled queer person have helped them come out (this makes me so proud and also just thinking about it creates a lump in my throat)
Seeing new attendees come out of their shell within half an hour at our events, and seeing the regulars encourage the newbies with such profound kindness. You guys
Wearing/doing/saying things I never would have before
That one day I’ll be the fun gay auntie my friends’ kids know they can come to (and maybe, maybe - hopefully - the fun gay mama)
Looking forward - like, actually looking forward - to a date, even if I’m nervous
Flirting
That somehow coming out made me love my disabled body in a way I never imagined possible
Realising that so many of the experiences I had growing up were actually very gay and very common, and I wasn’t just weird (I was also weird, but for different reasons)
The big group of queer friends I’ve made along the way. I adore you all
Pride is such a gift. I am so grateful.
Speak soon,
Luce